Can You Love Me Even With My Dark Side?
by roza m belicova
Summary: Mason's death and academy life is hitting Rose hard today. She's not sure if its her or Lissa's magic. All she knows is she needs an escape, so she finds herself on the roof of one of the academy's buildings. But when the solitude doesn't help can the Russian do it before she becomes a danger to herself? Set somewhere between SK and BP in a world where Dimitri doesn't get turned.


Hey, lovelies! Yes, I know I suck sorry! Motivation has really been lacking lately but I've got a one shot for y'all I hope you like. Also, I hope that 2020 has been treating all of you kindly! If not, it's ok we're only in March we've got the power to turn it all around!

Anyway…I don't own VA, never have never will, but reviews are very much appreciated!

Can you love me even with my dark side?

I had a practice session to get to. And seeing as how it was one with Dimitri, I guess I should really have known better than to try putting it off. But the truth was, I was so, so tired. Everything was suddenly overwhelmingly exhausting, and I just needed a minute.

I needed some solitude and quiet, just for a little bit. Academy life was usually something I could handle pretty well, but today it honestly didn't feel like that. Today it all just felt pointless and exhausting and I didn't want to deal with any of it anymore. At least, not right now. So, instead of going to the gym like I should have, I found myself sitting on the roof of one of the academy's buildings, my legs dangling off the edge.

The wind tore at me up here, the remnants of a full moon and the stars out in all their glory tonight-today if you were in our world, but dark thoughts swirled in my mind, the kind that made me wonder how much of it was me and how much of it was Lissa. Were these even my thoughts? Truth was, it honestly didn't matter. All I knew was the exhaustion that filled every fiber of my being. There was sadness there too, sadness and that all too familiar guilt over Mason that I suspected would always be a part of me now. No matter how much anyone told me what had happened to him wasn't my fault, no matter how many times I heard the words he'd made his own choice, I couldn't shake the guilt. Because be that as it was, it didn't change the fact that Mason had come back so he could save me. He'd come back because he'd loved me.

Staring up at the lightening sky, at the dusky predawn light, I couldn't help but wonder what Mason thought now. Was coming back to save me worth it? Was loving me worth it? I'm not so sure that it was. If anything, it had gotten him more than a broken heart. It'd gotten him a broken neck. He'd lost his life, and no matter what anyone said, I knew that was my fault.

And with that thought, I suddenly felt more hopeless than I had in quite a while. Because if I couldn't protect Mason who was a dhampir like me, how could I protect Lissa? Never mind that I'd managed to get Mia and Christian out and they were moroi. That thought didn't even cross my mind. All I could focus on was my own failure, and the biggest of them was that I'd failed Mason. He was dead because of me.

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you-Are you-what's wrong?" I don't know how long I'd been sitting up here, but it was long enough that the rising sun lit everything in an almost golden light. And Dimitri was standing there looking down at me with so much concern my chest hurt. He looked like an angel in the light of the rising sun, those chocolaty brown eyes warm and kind as they regarded me.

"I'm sorry," I said startled now that the fact that the sun was coming up was actually registering. When I'd come up here, the moon was still out in all of her beauty. That meant I'd missed more than practice with Dimitri. I'd missed most of my classes if not all of them.

"Are you ok, Roza?" He asked me just as calm as before, but I thought I saw more concern in his eyes now. "What are you doing up here? Everyone's been looking for you." I sighed.

"I'm sorry," I said again because now that concern turned into worry and I didn't like seeing him worried. "I was coming to practice with you," I said. "But I just needed a minute. I came up here because I knew I could escape for a bit without anyone finding me." He nodded and pulled out his phone, probably to let Alberta know he'd found me. Shit. They probably thought I'd tried to run away again or something.

"Escape what?" He asked putting the phone away after sending a text and sitting down next to me. A shiver ran through my body at his closeness, but Dimitri noticed it and thought I was cold. He draped his duster over my shoulders. I sank into it, not because I was cold but because it smelled like him. Being wrapped in his duster was almost like being wrapped in his arms. Almost, but not quite like it.

"I don't know," I said shrugging. "My own head?' Dimitri nodded as if he understood perfectly, and perhaps he did. He could usually read me as well as I could read him if not better.

"Are you feeling better now?" He asked reaching for my hands. I shrugged and let him have my hands. He stroked my fingers and palms, his touch soothing, calming me and grounding me in a way being up here had not been. His grip was unsurprisingly gentle, those hands strong and callused from years of training. And if I were being honest, having him holding my hands like that made me want to throw myself into his arms and just have him hold me.

"Will you come with me?" Dimitri asked looking into my eyes. I nodded my head, because yes, I would go anywhere with this man when his eyes were boring into mine like that, like he could see into my soul.

With my hand still grasped in his, we made our way off the roof back to the academy below. I expected to find people waiting there for me, ready to question me about where I had been and why, but there was no one. Instead of leading me to my dorm like I'd thought he would, Dimitri led me outside. I figured he'd still make me practice, say something about how physical activity would help get me centered again or about how I had to make up for the training I'd missed today, but he led me passed the gym and into the cover of the trees.

When I realized where we were going, I felt a smile slide onto my face. The cabin. Somehow, Dimitri had read my thoughts up on the roof. Or maybe, he just knew what I needed in that moment. Regardless, he led me inside and his next words made my smile grow. "Want some hot cocoa?"

"Will there be marshmallows?"

"There would if you want them," He said his eyes softening. I grinned and nodded, trying to ignore the way my heart started pounding when he returned my smile. And when he closed the door behind us, effectively shutting out the rest of the world and enclosing us in our own little bubble, I couldn't help but feel like maybe everything was going to be ok after all.

This cabin had become a haven of sorts, the one place where Dimitri and I could be together freely. Out here we didn't need to worry about anyone finding out that there was more between us than student and mentor and as I sat on the bed while Dimitri made my hot chocolate, a goofy smile slipped onto my face. And with it, my blood heated, my mind flashing back to the last time Dimitri and I had been in here and exactly what we'd done on this very bed.

He had been true to his word of us keeping things on the downlow until graduation, but here and now, I didn't want to keep things on the downlow anymore. There was no need to and, after the day I'd just had, I wanted him to hold me. He'd managed to bring me down, managed to ease my racing mind just by talking to me on the roof, but right now, I craved human contact.

Shrugging off his duster, I stood and walked over to him. He was stirring our drinks and I wasted no time wrapping my arms around him from behind. I expected him to tell me we couldn't do things like that, so I was pleasantly surprised when he turned to look at me and flashed me one of those heart melting smiles of his. He also held out a steaming Styrofoam cup to me and as good as the cocoa it contained smelled, for a good few seconds, I was actually torn about whether I should take it seeing as how that meant I'd have to let him go. Dimitri seemed to know exactly what kind of a dilemma I was having and he chuckled.

"Come on love," He said that chuckle turning into a grin. "Unless you want it to go cold then by all means..." He let his voice trail off, but the damage had already been done. Groaning, I took the cup he offered and we went back to the bed and damn it I wanted to blush at being on the bed with him again and what the hell? I was Rose Hathaway. Rose Hathaway did not blush, but I was quickly learning that all rules went out the window with this man.

If Dimitri had any idea of what I was thinking, he gave no indication of it. Instead, he surprised me further when he pulled me onto his lap. And perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised. I'd always known he knew me quite well, of course he would be able to tell that I wanted to be held. And in private settings like this one, Dimitri had no problem spoiling me. Even in public settings, he somehow still managed to give me exactly what I wanted, like that time he'd gotten me lip gloss when we'd gone shopping with Victor and his daughter.

And, ok, I had to admit that there was something to be said about sitting in his lap and having him wrap an arm around me while we sipped hot chocolate. It felt so normal, so right, and as I laid my head on his chest, I decided that right here was where I wanted to be forever. Dimitri pressed a kiss to my forehead, soft and gentle and damn if my heart didn't melt. When he pulled me in closer and his lips trailed down to my cheeks and then to my neck where he lingered, it became very clear that my heart wasn't the only thing that melted for him. My entire freaking body did.

"You know," I said dryly. "I do have lips." He snorted but then his lips were on mine and nothing else mattered. Everything that had been wrong earlier, all the reasons why we were keeping our relationship secret, hell even the world faded to background noise. It was just he and I and the way our lips moved together, in perfect synchronization, and as it always was with him and I, electricity crackled everywhere our bodies touched.

I'm not so sure how it happened, but somehow, I'd ended up on my back on the bed and Dimitri was hovering over me. My arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers pulling his hair out of the ponytail and tangling in the silky strands. His hands were on my face as we kissed like there was no tomorrow and, even though the kiss had started out as something soft and sweet, it quickly grew into something intense and fiery. Yet, it wasn't enough.

I wanted more. Hell, I needed more. It was like I'd been drowning and someone had thrown me a life raft in the form of this man. My hands slid up under his shirt, my fingers trailing over his back and his lips were leaving mine to trail kisses down my neck and sweet baby Jesus nothing had ever been like this. Nothing had ever felt so right, so all-in-compassing.

Dimitri shuddered against me as my fingers trailed over the bare skin of his back and as my eyes found his, the chocolaty brown now dark with desire, I felt liquid heat pool between my legs. I started to pull his shirt off and he broke away from my lips long enough to help as well as to remove my own shirt, and then I was lying there in my sports bra and his eyes were leaving mine to gaze down at my body. And god, but the way he was looking at me, nobody had ever looked at me like that before.

"You're so beautiful," He said, his voice husky and accent thicker than usual, every word like a sensual stroke over my most sensitive parts. I couldn't help but believe him either, the way he was staring into my eyes like he could see into my soul left no room for arguments or doubts. And when he lowered his head and kissed my neck again, my shoulders and chest, well, there was no more room for thoughts either.

All I knew was pleasure and lust so intense I felt like I might explode, but Dimitri had somehow become master of my body. He knew exactly how to touch me and where to kiss to drive me insane as well as keep me teetering right on the edge. At some point I'd lost the bra as well as my pants, and as his lips wrapped around my nipple, I let out a moan and arched my back. Moisture seared my panties as I shifted, putting my core in direct contact with his erection. We both groaned at that, the barrier of our clothes in no way diminishing the heat and dear god one more flick of his tongue over my nipple and I might just cum then and there. But Dimitri, damn him, seemed to know how close I was and he pulled back.

Frustrated and tired of his games, I let out a low growl, my eyes narrowing into a glare. Dimitri chuckled. I glared harder and tore off the damn panties myself, then gripped his hair pushing his head back to my nipples while grabbing his hand and guiding it between my legs. "Quit teasing," I practically growled.

"Fuck," He said, fingers stroking my clit and spreading my folds. "You're so wet." No shit, I wanted to say, but all that came out was a desperate, needy moan.

I wasn't going to be able to hold out for much longer. With every stroke of Dimitri's fingers over my clit and up and down my slit, I felt myself slipping closer and closer to the edge. And when he slipped one long finger into my entrance, my hips lifted off the bed. When that finger started working in and out of me, slow, deep thrusts, it was all I could do to hold back a scream at the pure pleasure that tore through my entire body. I felt my walls tighten, heard him curse as they gripped his finger, but when he flicked my clit with his thumb, I was done for. And Dimitri didn't even let me come down from that high before he'd freed his erection and was thrusting into me.

"Oh, fuck," I gasped out, my hips lifting to meet his every thrust. "Yes, fuck yes." There was no gentleness, no slow build up like that first time. This was just an old fashion hard fast fucking and it was exactly what my body craved.

Dimitri's lips were on my skin as he thrusted into me, every thrust, every kiss and lick and nip taking me to new dizzying heights. He hit spots I had no idea I even had, and when he pulled out almost all the way and slid back in, I nearly came then and there. Gripping his hair, I guided his lips back to mine, the kiss as frenzied as our lovemaking. Our tongues tangled in a battle for dominance, one I didn't have a chance of winning. So, I gave in and he kissed me deeper his fingers rubbing my clit hard and that was all it took.

The orgasm tore through me in waves, pleasure so intense it straddled the line of pleasure and pain, and I had to bite into Dimitri's shoulder to keep from screaming at the sheer deliciousness of it. He kept thrusting, dragging out my pleasure, taking me higher and higher, and then I was falling again, plunging into an abys of endless pleasure. And this time, Dimitri was right there with me.

I clung tightly to him as he buried his face in my neck, both of us waiting for our breathing to return to normal levels. Unsurprisingly, Dimitri was the one who recovered first. "That was amazing," He said, lifting his head to look down into my eyes. "You are amazing and so, so beautiful. I love you."

"I love you too," I said and kissed him again. This time the kiss was soft and sweet. And as we laid there basking in the afterglow, I felt myself relaxing further. Being here with Dimitri like this, his arms around me and my head on his chest was a little slice of heaven right here on Earth. It was my reminder that he was my anchor no matter how chaotic life got. I knew that as long as I had him by my side, I would be ok. Not because I needed him to build me up or make me better, but because he did it naturally. He made me a more grounded centered person when before I was impulsive and irrational.

"You know, comrade, you're pretty amazing." He chuckled softly at my words, his hands stroking my back and my hair.

"What did I do love?" I snuggled deeper into his arms and grinned up at him.

"You mean other than fucking my branes out?" My voice was soft, casual, but the growl that rumbled in Dimitri's chest told me he wasn't buying the casualness I was going for.

"Yes," He ground out the hand that had been stroking my back sliding down to cup my ass. "other than that."

"You just are," I said and shuddered at the way he squeezed my ass in his hand, the way that hand slid further down to stroke the backs of my thighs. I let out a soft groan as he coaxed my legs apart, his fingers sliding up my inner thighs in slow, lazy strokes. And just like that, I was ready for round two, and if the way Dimitri was looking at me was anything to go by, so was he.

So, thoughts, guys? Loved it? Hated it? Not so sure how you feel? Let me know y'all know I love hearing from you beautiful people! And on the topic of hearing from you beautiful people, y'all should let me know if you want me to continue Still Alive but I'm barely breathing! I've been thinking of deleting those other chapters and leaving it as the one shot it was intended to be and just start something new, but I'll finish it if y'all want it. So, let me know!

XXX

Roza


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